Pretensia remarked today, without a hint of a smile, that her son's a border-line genius. T&W a bit doubtful as he's always getting sent to Virginia, the headmistress; the last time for biting her ankles. T&W feels sorry for him as headmistress Virginia suffers from water retention; biting her ankles would be like chewing on giant cheesy marshmallows!
School reports were out this week; T&W skim-read them, discovered children were happy people with lots of friends and felt overwhelming joy they weren't psychopathic nutters! T&W pleased! Suddenly, T&W has morphed into perfect mother, like Princess Perfect Pants. So decided to lie on settee with glass of wine and eat crisps as reward. Then remembered maternal responsibilities - must read rest of report! Children can apparently walk, run, skip, cut with scissors and poke people in the eye. We send them to school to learn stuff like this?
T&W wondering when boffin gene (obviously on mother's side) will kick in; imagines children may be requested to be hothoused with Bill Gates as possible successors in Microsoft! Make mental note to learn about American culture particularly Mcdonalds and stealth bombers.
What would happen if mums had to have reports on their performance? MMmmm. "T&W could do well if she would stop laughing on phone with friends about manboobs and spend more time folding pants and putting them away in drawers. This could take her from a C+ to the dizzy heights of a B minus!".
I love this, Julie. The first time you have EVER let me see any of your writing. This could be your first big step towards publication, national celebrity, even world domination. At what stage do you expect Virginia to issue written warnings/suspend your children/sue you for libel?
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