We never should have believed Bouncer when she said she could do stand-up. You don't just "do" stand-up, it needs precise comic timing and a taut/honed script; but what she put us through was 30 minutes of verbal pain, like being forced to listen to the sound of a dentist's drill. Although that would have been funnier. Pretensia, knocking back the Barcardi Breezers, laughed hysterically at every joke and then in her defence, said it was only because she'd eaten a Knobbly Bobbly and the little hundreds and thousands had gone up her nose. Ex-porn star, Nude Trude said she could do stand-up at which point, headmistress Virginia screwed up her nose and whispered "Please remember this is Little Ditchling, not West Croydon!". The way she said "West Croydon" made T&W want to move there immediately - it sounded like somewhere out of a movie, with mean streets, smoky bars, guys called Mo and sassy blond women called Telulah. And yes, it would probably be somewhere where the likes of Nude Trude would be doing stand-up.
Gifted could sometimes make people laugh but usually, to get the joke, you had to have a double first from Cambridge and understand quantum physics. T&W knew her limits; stand-up was not an option, more like sitting or lying down.
The fund-raiser drew to a lurching close with Virginia doing her annual Russian dance in a giant rabbit costume. It ended with her trying to leapfrog over Rude-rag, Whinger and Clotheshorse, then tumbling into an awkward pile with her legs in the air. Was it the light or did Rude-rag actually smile? Hard to say although Whinger said she'd had more fun that night in hospital, when she was on a drip having her stomach pumped.
No wonder Virginia goes on and on about not posting pics on facebook!
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