Losing Control in the Department Store

Walking into a department store is like stepping into a David Cameron documentary - lots of Tamaras and Tamsins, hello Sirs and goodbye Madams. You walk through Menswear and it's like the set of Glee with everyone skipping, waving and doing air kisses. Then as you go though the makeup/perfume dept. you almost choke on the cloying smell of Beyonce/Kylie and Kate by Kate Middleton (classy scent smelling of plums). And is it compulsory for the make-up assistants to wear every makeup product on their face; can I have a purple eye-shadow please? Point to it on my face. Can I have an orange foundation that looks caked on and like a Caribbean sunset? Point to it on my face.

T&W meant to be choosing a christening present. But oh no, saw the beautiful dresses and that was it, like a kid on a sugar high in a toyshop, ended up in major dress trying on frenzy barely coming up for air. Not even looking at price tags, told self didn’t matter if spent all money, would wander streets with family, destitute and homeless ..... but always stylish! T&W had to give self good talking to and detention. This is no way to get a B grade in Domestic Goddesshood! Must try harder and pull socks up.

T&W noticed that the changing room assistants are all glamorous skinny French women. And all bitching to each other ....
“Yes, you know zat woman, ze one with the big arms ..... and ze funny eyes ...”
“I know ze one, she was just ‘ere, with ze big legs and ze curly frizzy hair, eugh I hate zat woman.”
“Well, she tried ze dress, ze pink one and it looked euck ... how you say ... Merde.”
“Degutante! Eugh. She look like like a beeg watermelon ... “
“Off course, I told her she looked a ..mazeeng but had to laugh into my handkerchief.”

T&W didn't buy anything to wear so will have to go to Christening in old potato sack. Clotheshorse would be disgusted!