T&W cooks like Nigella!

Today T&W had the urge to be like Princess Perfect Pants and Domestic Goddess rolled into one! Yes, T&W gone strange like 1950’s poster of housewife in apron with red lipstick and strange expression of a Stepford wife. First will make an amazing dinner a la Nigella. Open recipe book and follow instructions:
1. Run upstairs and put on tight, revealing dress, preferably low-cut.
2. Put on 4 inch high stilettos.
3. Put on red lipstick.
4. Brush hair.
5. Slide down bannister and get ready to cook!
6. Chop onions & garlic.
7. Close-up to camera. Discuss with deep, slow voice how everything’s getting hot .. & sizzling.
8. Appear flustered and have to open window.
9. Wave to builders and tell them “making Full-frontal guacamole in a few minutes if they want some”.
10. Put chopped chillies in pan. Close-up to camera, say things are getting really, really hot!
11. Put in mince and whilst it’s cooking, open bottle of wine, pouting suggestively.
12. Pour wine into glass and sip it girlishly, tossing hair around at same time.
13. As it cooks, lay along top of kitchen work-top and dip finger into bowl of cream to taste it.
14. Not in recipe, but is essential part of Nigella’s cooking procedure.
15. Bend over to get something out of oven even though not using oven – ditto above.
16. Close-up to camera, say it’s coming along nicely so time to cook pasta. Talk about how it’s important to have al dente pasta by smiling and emphasising the word “firm”.
17. Boil water and put pasta into pan.
18. Lay table for self and the three builders who are staring through the window.
19. Start to chop the avocados. Close-up to camera, explain you call it Full Frontal as it's in your face, taste wise. Add garlic and lemon juice and put in blender, not forgetting to taste it in a provocative way once its ready.
20. Let builders sit down and get them beers. Do not seem at all fazed that you have 3 strangers in overalls sitting in your house.
21. Serve up the food into warm bowls whilst making suggestive comments about who’s got the biggest and that you hope the pasta’s firm.
22. Enjoy the meal, laughing wildly with your new friends about grouting, dovetail joints and spirit levels.
23. Have more wine and be seen staggering around in kitchen, pretending to know where the dishwasher is.
Tomorrow, T&W does housework like Kim & Aggie, How Clean is your House? Maybe not..