Boulogne school trip

Talk at Little Ditchling JMI is all about the impending school trip to Boulogne. Virginia, the headmistress declared pompously "this is a wonderful chance for our 10 year olds to learn about France and it's magnificent culture!"; but we all know it's a chance for the teachers to go on a booze-fest and for Mr Timpson to practise his pencil control on Miss Radcliffe. No, it's not gone unnoticed that he looks like he's about to spontaneously combust when he's in her presence!

Poor Mr Timpson, a 40 year old non-descript seems to latch onto pert 30 something teachers who go weak at the sight of a man who looks like a chipmunk. To be fair, the rumours last year were never substantiated. Mr Timpson and Mrs Alcock, the larger than life Year 2 teacher had apparently been found together in the ladies' toilet on the ferry (outbound journey) by a traumatised Virginia. A red-faced Mr Timpson's argument that he'd been looking for his watch wasn't believable, particularly when the entire Year 5 class pointed out it was still on his arm.

T&W uncomfortable about similar debacle this year and the thought of Mr Timpson gallavanting around a la Titanic (picture Mr Timpson sketching naked Ms Radcliffe in private ferry cabin then accompanying her for a dinner consisting of a plastic ham sandwich in buffet bar; evening ending with her at front of ferry arms outstretched, hair blowing in wind with Mr Timpson standing behind, chipmunk-like to the strains of My Heart will go on!)

But what about the children? They could've gone overboard in the meantime!!!!

At the time of the now infamous Ferry Toilet Incident, headmistress Virginia did what she always does when her teachers go bonkers. She called an Emergency Parents' Meeting! Standing aloof, with her clipboard, she smiled at parents sympathetically and told us that "sometimes stress makes us do unfortunate things, we've all been there". T&W, like all other parents left thinking "No, we have not all been there; we have not all had Mr Timpson whispering phonics vowels in our ear in the Ladies' toilet on the outbound ferry from Calais to Boulogne!".