An English Sniper in the Car Park

Virginia, the headmistress was getting twitchy.    You could tell by the way she clenched her fists until the knuckles went white and then opened them again.   She'd been here before and she didn't want to go back to the days of Fishfinger-gate.   Her relaxation tapes were helping her to see that a burnt fishfinger, wasn't a good enough reason to chop off Mrs Mildew's pigtail.    A lesson had been learnt.   Deep breathing and positive affirmations.    But still, these pesky parents pushed her to the limit.

She'd told them off time and time again about driving to school.   The warning siren that shouted "You are surrounded, return to your vehicle with your hands up!" had failed and a complimentary Snickers bar to every parent who snitched on a friend was too expensive. The lengths parents'll go to just for a chocolate bar! Even tipping the compost bin on Mr Delaney's mini metro hadn't helped. Still they came. Something had to be done

Fortunately, she'd had the chance to watch American Sniper at the cinema.   She'd learnt the lessons - hold the gun still, point it away from yourself, deep breathing, lie low.    Hiding behind the bins, half slumped on some PE equipment, she waited,    When she spotted the target, she fired.

BANG!  She took out Mrs Tiller, who was getting out of her Ford Capri.   That'll teach her for being 8 months pregnant.  Man up woman.   Got her!   Mrs Tiller falls to the floor.

BANG!  There goes Mr Leyland, limping around with his bunion - got him.   Mr Leyland falls.

BANG!   There goes Ms Osman and her faulty alarm clock.  Ha ha!  I'm enjoying this.

BANG! BANG! BANG!
Before Virginia knew it, there were 10 down and the morning bell hadn't gone.    She wanted to keep on going but she was wrestled to the ground by the Deputy,   "Stop it Virginia, stop it!   Go and listen to your tapes!"

"It's only a paintball gun, Jenny" moaned Virginia.   "I was just letting off steam,  The parents drive me crazy!".

10 minutes later, Virginia is lying on a bed listening to her relaxation tapes and repeating out loud:
"Parents are nice people.   They are my friends.    I like parents and they make me happy."

:)



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